I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
