Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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