I've blown a few things in my day
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
