Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
