im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet