Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
