I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
