I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
