You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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