i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize