no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
