carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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