It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I AM VODKA MAN
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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