I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
