You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
