so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize