Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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