STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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