Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
