Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
