some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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