he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
