i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
