i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
