you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
