Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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