You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
