You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
