i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
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help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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