Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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