my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize