i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
