just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
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I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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