i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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