So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My nipple is on Facebook.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
