the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
