I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
