where am i from again
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
