69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
