just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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