the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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