i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
