i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
