accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
