I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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