explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
