I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
