Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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