You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
