Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
