Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
