Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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