I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
