I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
