you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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