It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
