no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
