And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
