I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
