I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
