hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
