If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
