I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
