he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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